


i love you (but i'm not sure what that means)

by myfivemeters



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: M/M, also i have no idea if this is good or not sorry, i've honestly never written about real life people so yeah, jenna's mentioned, there's nothing triggering or anything it's just tyler thinking about some stuff during/after a show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 12:47:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6520366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myfivemeters/pseuds/myfivemeters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he looks over at him, his partner, his drummer, his best friend, and their gazes lock. this moment, this miniscule second between verses, between the outpourings of his soul, passes through them and in that second he knows they’re thinking the same thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i love you (but i'm not sure what that means)

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! so usually i write for anime stuff but i really really love twenty one pilots and i've been reading a lot of fics for them lately so i wanted to write something? this doesn't really have that much plot but yeah. this is kind of meant to be left up to interpretation? so. i hope you enjoy!! (lowercase is intended btw)

the crowd’s screaming roars in his ears. it’s exhilarating, to stand in front of this many people, all of them chanting the lyrics you had written in your darkest points. even now, carrying the signs of his insecurities, his _blurryface,_ he’s never felt more alive in this moment.

he looks over at him, his partner, his drummer, his best friend, and their gazes lock. this moment, this miniscule second between verses, between the outpourings of his soul, passes through them and in that second he knows they’re thinking the same thing. tyler grins, a lopsided thing that makes his face ache a little since it’s so worn out from singing and screaming.

josh smiles back, the kind of smile where his eyes close and crinkle at the sides and sends a jolt straight through his spine. whatever exhaustion he had been feeling before was gone entirely, and he felt ready to play a whole set again. But this set is over, and he’ll have to make do with this right now, the standing, the bowing, relishing in how much these people enjoy them.

it’s incredible to him, that singing about his demons can spark such a fire in these people. that singing these things, bringing them to life and giving them a face can help him get over them. they’ll never be completely gone, not really, and _blurryface_ will always be around to torment him. but now, with josh’s hand on the small of his back and the dozens of smiling faces that look back at him as he gazes out into the crowd, he thinks that maybe he’ll be alright.

he looks over at josh while they bow, and to his surprise, josh is looking back. for a split second tyler expects him to say something odd, like how he once told him that he was about to crap his pants on stage. but no, it’s nothing of the sort—josh simply whispers, “we’re gonna be okay.”

he’s not quite sure how josh is always able to do that, voice his thoughts like he was some kind of psychic, but it’s a common occurrence. however, there’s a different beat to this one than the others, the way his fingers lightly placed on his back seem to make tyler’s blood pump a little faster, how his eyes seem to burn into his own. something’s different, and it kind of scares him.

but he knows not to be scared. josh is right, they’re okay like this. arms around each other, at the peak of their lives, drenched in sweat. standing in front of a sold-out arena but looking at each other like they’re the only people in the world.

and then the moment is over, and they stand up, giving a few last minute waves to their fans. they exit and the adrenaline starts to crash, but tyler still feels a little invincible, like he could do anything. he knows that it won’t last for much longer, that they’ll be back in a hotel room and sleep it off and be tired the next day. for now, though, he basks in the feeling as he walks to the dressing rooms to gather their things and maybe steal a few left over snacks.

“hey,” josh says from beside him, startling tyler out of his thoughts. it happens pretty often, him being inside his own head and not even noticing the world around him passing by. he always manages to listen to josh, though.

he smiles genuinely at his best friend and bumps into him with his shoulder. “hey.”

“i’m starving.” tyler laughs at this and takes a turn in the hallway, tugging josh along. they did have separate dressing rooms in this venue, but most of the time they ended up sharing anyways.

“i think i have some food still left in my dressing room if you _really_ can’t wait ‘til dinner,” he replies, opening the door to his dressing room. josh all but dives towards the food and tyler looks on, a small smile playing on his lips. something still feels different—not necessarily bad, just…different.

josh pauses and asks, stray chip crumbs falling from his lips, “you alright?”

tyler nods and grabs a few chips himself. “yeah, i’m good. i think.” he takes a few more bites before elaborating, “does something feel off to you? like, different, at all?” josh stops his chewing and tilts his head slightly in thought. he finds it endearing, and it feels like his heart just received a little prick of electricity; not the jolt that he feels when he looks at jenna, but still enough to take notice.

“kinda.” josh closes the bag of chips and starts to look for more food to snack on. “yeah, actually,” he says with a little more finality. “not totally sure what, though. maybe we’re sick?” he doesn’t sound too sure about it, though, and tyler immediately disregards the suggestion.

“i don’t think so.” they sit in silence for a bit longer, eating food and sharing glances every now and then. it’s starting to seriously bug tyler, because whatever it is that feels weird is right on the tip of his tongue, but he can’t get it. he feels that if he just sat for a little longer and reached as far as he could, he’d know.

“dude, you’re spacing.” josh nudges him out of his reverie. he mumbles an apology and josh just shrugs. “s’okay.” he gives tyler a smile, the same one he gave on stage, albeit a little drowsier. it’s almost like time freezes as he studies his friend’s face. the way his messy hair is still sticking to his forehead, how his nose ring is glinting in the fluorescent lighting of their room, how his pearly, glowing smile sends a warmth like honey, slow and sweet, through his veins.

and then it hits him.

it’s not a big realization, but it’s satisfying. he’s found the word on the tip of his tongue, the one he’s been fumbling for since the end of the show. he feels like his world should be crashing down around him, like there should be something bigger coming with what he’s just found. it doesn’t, though, and the walls around them stay stable and the room continues its tired tranquility. maybe it doesn’t happen like that because it’s been like this for a while, because tyler has always felt like this, he just now can place a finger on it.

he feels pretty stupid for not seeing it earlier, before now, when it would’ve been less complicated to know. all of the sudden he feels nauseous at the words that are now swarming in his throat, dying to get out, to break the silence.

he bites it all back, and settles for something else, something safer. “thanks, josh.” his best friend looks at him in confusion.

“what for?”

“for just…” he struggles with the wording of what he wants to say. he doesn’t want to say something wrong. tyler just wants everything to stay the same. “being here, i guess. it would be kind of hard to be a one man band without you.” he hopes josh can get that he means more than just the band, that he’s really thankful for josh helping him through his worst times and being with him for the best.

josh gives a nod and another smile, smaller than the last, full of understanding. “yeah, in interviews they’d ask where the other twenty guys were instead of nineteen if i wasn’t here.”

it’s really not even that funny of a statement, but tyler laughs hysterically anyways, and the knot inside his stomach completely dissolves. he’s not sure why he keeps laughing as hard as he does, but then josh is laughing, too, and he feels a little at peace with himself.

mark comes in and ushers them out of the venue and back to the hotel, and the whole moment is over. he finally gets hit with a wave of exhaustion when they arrive at their room, but he doesn’t really want to sleep—he’s never really been fond of sleeping at night, instead settling for naps throughout the day. he downs a red bull and eats the last of their pizza they’d gotten while josh is in the shower.

he’s on his phone when the bed shifts and he looks up to see josh climbing on to the bed. “dude, you’re gonna get the sheets soaked,” he whines, glancing at the water droplets that still clung to josh’s skin.

“it’ll be fine. you gonna shower?” tyler wrinkles his nose at the thought of moving from the comfort he’s created. he shakes his head and continues to scroll through twitter. a wet arm comes around his shoulders and he makes an indignant nose.

“i don’t want a bath, either,” he grumbles, shivering as some of the water droplets roll onto his skin. “or your arm. you’re distracting me from very important business.”

“oh? like twitter? i am so sorry,” he says in mock apology, a good-hearted smirk playing on his lips. “and whatever, you love it.”

tyler could’ve said any number of things in response, but instead he decides to blurt out, “i love you.”

josh doesn’t even miss a beat, preventing tyler’s brain from attacking himself for saying it. “love you too, ty,” he says softly, but still like it’s nothing. “you should go to sleep.”

tyler swallows, not really sure how to continue. “you’re right,” he mumbles, getting up to brush his teeth.

“i always am.” tyler snorts and thinks of several situations he could bring up that would disprove his statement, but he continues to do his nightly routine before climbing back into bed and shutting the light off. the darkness blankets the entire room, save for the light coming from josh’s phone. he struggles with himself, fighting on whether or not to bring up their earlier exchange or to just roll over and try to sleep.

a nudge to his foot stops his internal debate. “don’t worry about it,” is all josh says before the phone is shut off and the room turns completely dark. josh rolls over, but keeps his foot in contact with tyler’s. it’s strangely comforting, this little sign of care, and it makes him feel a little less at war with himself.

he takes josh’s advice and shuts his eyes, letting his tiredness curl around him. for once, he doesn’t really feel all that scared to sleep, and his mind feels almost at peace.

he’s not sure what was going to happen the next day, or even the day after that. he desperately hopes that nothing changes, that everything carries on the way it has been. nothing really has changed for him, other than the fact that he’s found something about himself that he’s sure has always been there. he doesn’t love jenna any less (how could he?) and he doesn’t see josh any differently.

tyler’s also not sure about what he really meant with his statement earlier—him loving josh. he does, he does love josh, there’s no doubt about it, but he doesn’t really know what it means. it’s not quite like how he feels for jenna, but it’s definitely not how he feels for the rest of his friends and family, either.

he doesn’t know how long he thought for before finally falling asleep, but the last thing he does remember thinking is _we’ll be alright._

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed!! please let me know how i did, comments and criticism are greatly welcomed so please please tell me what you liked/didn't like and if i should continue to write this stuff!! i'm a sucker for tyler/jenna/josh so if this is good then i might write some. thank you for reading!!


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